Beloved
Quickstep walked calmly down the shaded path, the sunshine which
dappled the woods striking golden highlights from her red coat, ignoring
the tensing of my hands on the reins as I thought of my reason for being
here this day. My usual business in the woods, wandering the shaded
secret paths to the river, gathering herbs and flowers as I walked or rode
in silent contemplation of the woods and the Mother, had no place in my
thoughts this day. Instead my thoughts bent towards the letter delivered
to me by my maid that morning.
It had been from him.
Cael. As handsome a man as ever lived and with a noble nature
belied by his status. A common soldier and as such forbidden to me.
I was the daughter of a nobleman and still a Daughter to the Mother - yet
to be elevated to the rank of Beloved which would leave me free to choose
the path my life and observances to the Goddess would take and safe from
any outcry or hint of scandal. But until then ...
Despite this, the First Beloved turned a blind eye to my trysts
with Cael - she was yet young, the youngest ever to rule the Order, and
remembered the pain of forbidden love. Nevertheless our relationship
stayed at the level of close friends, neither of us ready to betray the
ideals of the religion we had grown up observing.
But now it seemed that Cael wanted to acknowledge the true feelings
we held for each other, regardless of the laws of the Order. And
so I traveled through the woods towards the river and its cool secluded
glades and a forbidden meeting with my love.
The path was sometimes treacherous as the land dropped sharply
towards the water, but Quickstep was surefooted and strong and I made good
time towards the shadowed glade where Cael awaited me. As the path
narrowed I tied Quickstep to a low hanging branch among the trees, and
continued along the sloping pathway by foot, eventually clambering down
the cliff-like final metres of the path to the riverside glade at its bottom.
The river flowed clear, slow and deep, the glade carpeted by soft
green moss, shaded by tall leafy mir trees, shadowing the glade but leaving
it and the river dappled with golden sunshine over a secluded area virtually
invisible from prying eyes.
Cael was waiting, he stepped towards me, enfolding me in his arms.
We stood together, reveling in the closeness of each other. Whispering
endearments into my ears, Cael stepped towards the water, leaving his clothes
on the bank and diving cleanly into the river. My dress slipped from
my shoulders and pooled around my feet in a silken crimson mass.
I followed Cael into the water, its cool blueness rippling around my body
and rising towards my shoulders as I moved deeper into the water and closer
to Cael.
We stood together, a mere pace apart in the cool waters of the
al’veran river. Cael spoke, asking me if this was what I wanted,
for if I wished it he would stay away from me and just talk, nothing more.
I stood in the water, trembling more than ever before in my life, but not
from fear, for I trusted Cael and wanted this more than even acceptance
to the rank of Beloved. Yet still I trembled in nervousness even
as I refused his offer to stay away from me.
Cael stepped closer to me, his fingers brushing my hand.
He ran his hand along my arm then pulled me to him as we kissed, long and
deep. It was like nothing that I, literally cloistered within the
Order, had ever experienced. His hands explored my body, their gentle
touch exciting me to respond in turn. We kissed again and again as
we clung tightly together. We were so involved with each other that
nothing could intrude upon us, so we did not here Quickstep’s noise and
commotion as strangers passed along the path to the river. And so
by cruelest fate, there in the waters of the al’veran river we were discovered
in our betrayal of the laws of the Order, by two guards bent on enjoying
a cool drink after their watch.
I was made to dress and was firmly escorted back to the cloisters
of the Order while the remaining guard took Cael before the Watch Commander
and the First Beloved to face punishment for his crime. My turn was
to come later.
The First Beloved dismissed the Watch Commander and Cael, ordering
Cael to remain in the barracks until she sent for him, then she called
me before her. I feared her temper, which was legendary among the
Daughters, and I was afraid that I would be made to leave the Order or
be held at the rank of Daughter and never raised to Beloved. Instead,
after I assured her that I could not be pregnant, I learned that she had
been planning to announce me as heir apparent to the position of First
Beloved as soon as I was raised, and then she stunned me further be letting
me know that I was to have been raised within the week. Finally,
the greatest shock of all - I was not to be dismissed from the Order, on
the contrary I was still to be raised to the rank of Beloved and heir that
same night.
I was almost overcome with relief and joy but still I had to ask
why?, why was I being honoured like this after such a flagrant disobeyal
of the laws. Although I was shocked to discover the reason, it nevertheless
made sense to me. She was still raising me to the position of heir
because she needed someone with the strength of will to break the laws
who was nevertheless responsible, so that they would be able to challenge
the Watch and the nobles who were trying to take over control of our land
from the Order.
My investiture as Beloved and heir was, although a joyous occasion,
long and tedious and fear for Cael kept intruding on my thoughts.
After hours of ceremonies I was free to depart but instead I stayed to
talk to the First Beloved because I needed to know what would happen to
Cael. In the time since then I have often cursed myself for this
decision for on talking to the First I learned that she had set me up with
Cael and had manipulated the course of events so that they had led inevitably
to this conclusion. My mind went blank from the shock and I barely
managed to find my way to my room where I eventually broke down and cried
for my love that never was and the ill treatment I had been given by the
First. In my despair the world and even the Mother seemed against
me and I took a knife from the armory and crept from the cloistered confines
of the Order and into the woods.
For one trained as I was, the herbs and plants of the woods offered
many fatal poisons and I gathered some of the faster acting poisons and
made my way to the glade where I had met Cael but that afternoon.
Crushing the herbs onto the blade I slit my wrists and waited for death
to come. The world turned dark around me as my hold on life grew
more and more tentative, finally the peace I longed for overtook me and
I slumped to the ground, too close to death to notice what was happening
around me.
I became aware of a faint light surrounding me and I thought for
an instant that there must be some kind of afterworld but then the sound
of the infirmary penetrated the fog enfolding my mind and I realized that
somehow I had been revived and was back in the Order. The realization
almost threw me back into whatever dreamstate I had been inhabiting but
I managed to hold onto consciousness. I continued to lie still, my
eyes shut, feigning the unconscious state I had previously resided in.
After a time I heard the voice of the First and someone else who I could
not identify. Listening to their words I understood for the first
time how deep the First’s machinations ran. The nobles and the Watch
were not trying to steal power from the Order, they were merely trying
to create some order in the chaos the First was causing in her bid to take
total control of our land. It was then I also knew that if I followed
the First’s bidding I would be come an unwitting tool in her bid for power.
I continued to feign unconsciousness for some hours after I heard
the First’s words, then ‘awoke’ as realistically as possible. On
waking I discovered that I had been unconscious for several days and knew
that every moment I now wasted was one moment closer to a world ruled absolutely
by one corrupt woman rather than a council of the Order, the nobility and
the Watch.
After my release from the infirmary I made my way to the rooms
where the Daughters lived until being raised to the rank of Beloved.
Gathering my old friends together I told them of the First’s manipulations,
of her corruption and her plan to rule the land even if it took the death
of all who opposed her. The Daughters’ listened to my words and spread
them to all who would hear. Then came the harder part. I made
my way into the town and to the barracks where Cael lived. I told
him what the First had done and he too spread the word to all who would
listen - even so far as the Watch Commander himself.
On hearing my words, the Watch Commander took me before a council
of the lands’ nobles where once more I related the story of the First’s
corruption and her plan of absolute rule of the land.
Late that night as the moon rose full overhead and the fire burned
down to ashes, a plan was created as a counter measure to the First actually
pulling off her schemes. I made my way back to the cloistered compounds
of the Order and told as many of the Daughters and Beloved who could be
trusted, what their part would be in any attempt to stop the First.
Two weeks went past before anything happened but then Mara, a Daughter
who was running errands for the First, brought me news that the First had
been meeting with a mercenary captain from the lands to the east of ours.
I could not hide my disbelief. The eastern barbarians had
been the enemy of my people since before memory. Never had there
been open war between our lands, but still the relationship between the
inhabitants of Erinin and my own land had never been friendly. That
even a traitor like the First could deal with them... oh it did not bear
thinking of.
This situation was worse than I had imagined - than any had imagined.
I did not know what to do - all our plans till now had been based on the
assumption that we would be facing only the First and whatever dissenters
she had found among our own people - none of us had dreamed that even she
could so betray our ideals by dealing with the barbarians. Naive
of us yes... but it was not only I who was guilty of that error - not even
the Commander of the Watch had dared to believe that she could stoop so
low.
All of our plans had to be changed, but against this new threat
there was only so much that we could do. The border watch had to
be strengthened - especially since in our ignorance we had pulled guards
from duty there to serve in the capital against the First’s plots.
But once new regiments of the Watch were ordered to the border and those
already there placed on alert there was little we could do but wait.
Waiting dragged at everyones’ morale - more on those of the Daughters
that knew of the danger yet had no part in the plans; after all, we were
a religious order of healers and scholars... not since the ancient times
of strife had there been a militant role for the Daughters. Days
passed, then weeks and the tension throughout the town became apparent.
The Watch had to be ordered off full alert and the regiments rotated so
those on Border duty were not under too much strain.
It was in this unready state that we were caught. With almost
all of the Watch on their way to the Border or returning from just such
duty, the capital itself was essentially undefended. We had been
foolish to believe that the First had been unaware of our plottings, and
yet she still caught us unaware. The attack came not on our borders,
but from the marketplaces of the city.
While we, in our imagined readiness watched and guarded the borders,
the First had been planning for months and most of her forces had been
in place long before we had even learned of her plan.
The first anyone in the town knew of the attack was when hordes
of men, disguised as labourers and menial servants rushed from the cloisters
of the Order and attacked the headquarters of the Watch and the great houses
of the nobility. When word reached us the fighting was already desperate
as battles raged on the roofs, in the streets, in the houses as our men
struggled valiantly to repel the attackers. Hundreds died screaming
as the attackers poured boiling oil and pitch from the rooftops and many
more died in the fierce hand to hand combat that raged throughout the town.
We had to do something, not only were our soldiers dying but so too were
the many innocent civilians who had no idea of what was happening.
As one the priestesses of the Goddess kneeled with me in prayer
as we petitioned the Mother to come to our aid and protect the innocents
of her land. A beautiful woman, her body swelled with the promise
of new life, appeared before us. In return for her help she asked
but one thing. My life.
I was only seventeen, my life just beginning, and having been so
close to death I had no real desire to repeat the experience but the thought
of the deaths of so many on my conscience gave me no choice. I accepted
the deal. Immediately a great light spread over the town and the
surrounding countryside and in the minds of every person within its reach
echoed a question. Are ye loyal? No one had to answer, the
truth lay in their hearts and those not true simply dropped where they
stood, their deaths proof of their betrayal.
The fighting stopped. It had to. All who were left,
whatever their land, were children of the Mother. And so peace settled
back over the once beautiful town and all made their way to the Order to
pay homage to the Goddess. I alone stayed in the woods. I thought
I stayed for my death but by this time I was no longer afraid. My
life had meant something and I could die knowing I had done well.
I waited in silence, steeling myself for what was to come when
I heard the gentle laugh of the Mother. She did not speak but I knew
her thoughts. I was foolish to believe she wanted me to die - a life
was only precious while it was being lived, dead, a life was worth nothing.
It was not my death the Mother wanted but the opposite, she personally
named me First, high priestess of the Order of the Mother and religious
guide to our people. My life was not to be sacrificed to her but
instead devoted to ensuring that such events as those of the last few weeks
would never come to pass again.
‘And so my Daughters, these be the words of First Beloved Katryn
Sun-hair which tell of the events which changed the destiny of our people.
Because of her actions, our land is at peace and our people prosper under
the eyes of the Mother.
However, despite the good which came from her disregard of the
laws, I must yet remind thee that any such breaking of our laws must be
punished, and not even the attempt to claim ye were following her tradition
will save ye. Now hasten about thy tasks my Daughters and be sure
ye do nothing to bring thy actions to the attention of authority.’
The old woman watched the girls scurry off to complete the tasks
with which they should have been occupied. They were unaware they
had been cautioned by one of the highest authorities in the land and thought
a morning spent listening to tales of Katryn Sun-hair an easy escape from
the punishment they could have received for their innocent but still forbidden
activities. Yet the woman meant it not as punishment, it had merely
been an excuse to pass on the true story of Katryn’s actions so that it
would be remembered faithfully in the years to come.
Yes, she thought as she let dissolve the guise of the old woman,
our story will be remembered.
.
.Copyright
Michelle Bailey, 1997.
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